Sunday March 6 2022 — Thank God, It is [Joke & Parody] Sunday! There is no doubt that the recent tweet from the Office of Strategic Service [OSS] Society is a about a very serious issue: the diversity of the CIA workforce. I promise to (seriously) discus this topic soon. But we have been a bit too serious in recent weeks, and it is time to return to our tradition of Sunday jokes, parodies and animal spy stories. Follow us on Twitter: @INTEL_TODAY
RELATED POST: CIA Declassified Soviet Jokes
RELATED POST: Parody –“Party In The CIA” by “Weird Al” Yankovic
RELATED POST: White House — A Message in the Snow [Humor]
RELATED POST: Nixon Goes To China [Humour]
RELATED POST: Reagan tells Soviet jokes
RELATED POST: Facebook & the CIA [Parody]
RELATED POST: Parody — Jared Kushner Joins Saudi Royal Family
The CIA is dedicated to building a world-class, high-performing and diverse workforce that allows the Agency to meet the increasing threats and challenges to the United States.
“Our Diversity and Inclusion staff is always hard at work running programs designed to encourage professional development at all levels – ensuring every officer’s views are heard and that their ideas and skills are given due consideration.
The CIA works hard to create a positive and inclusive workplace where employees with different backgrounds, cultures and talents are respected and given the opportunity to succeed.
We have a variety of employee resource groups composed of employees who share a common affinity (gender, sexual orientation, disability, ethnic and racial background) and their allies.
The ARGs [Agency Resource Groups] make our organization stronger by:
— Increasing cultural awareness
— Providing insight, practical solutions and best practices
— Promoting engagement and collaboration
The ARGs are critical to the present and future effectiveness of the CIA through their support and advancement of diversity and inclusion. ” [Careers & Internships — CIA Website]
Wait. Don’t laugh. That was not the joke yet!
The ARGs certainly have quite a bit of work to do as this story — which I was told when I visited the nuclear city of Dubna, Russia — will hopefully convince you.
Back in the 60s… The CIA wanted to send a spy to the Soviet Union and the selected spy had incredible qualifications.
He was fluent in Russian, had perfect Cyrillic handwriting, had a vast knowledge of Soviet culture and mannerisms, could cook typical Soviet meals, and — most importantly — could keep up his act with a belly full of vodka.
The mission was long-term infiltration of the Kremlin.
The spy was dropped in a remote village where he approached a man and said, in perfect Russian: “Hello comrade, can you please tell me which direction is Moscow?”
The man looked at him, and walked inside. Within minutes, the KGB was swarming the village and arresting the spy.
While being interrogated, the KGB officers said: “Quit the act, we know you are an American spy.”
The spy was baffled they (especially the man in the village) were able to tell so quickly, but tried to keep up the act for as long as he could.
When he finally cracked, he said: “Alright, alright, I’m a spy. I will tell you whatever you want, but please just tell me how you knew I was a spy because I devoted my whole life to perfecting my Soviet character.”
The KGB officer replied: “You are black.”
PS: Once he had completed the agency’s version of basic spy training, Jeffrey Sterling was assigned to the Iran Task Force and dispatched to language school to learn Farsi.
In 1997, just before he was to leave for his first overseas post in Germany, he was told that somebody else was going instead.
“We’re concerned that you would stick out as a big black guy speaking Farsi,” Sterling recalls his supervisor saying.
Shocked, he responded, “Well, when did you figure out I was black?”
The Good Shepherd — “The rest of you are just visiting.”
UPDATE — There is a first time for everything… And this is indeed the first time I have to update a post about a joke!
A few people have asked me if I made up the story of Jeffrey Sterling or if it is a true story? Therefore, I decided to upload a short video to answer that question.
END of UPDATE
UPDATE (March 7 2021) — On Monday (March 1 2021), former CIA director John Brennan made a disturbing comment during an MSNBC panel.
“I am increasingly embarrassed to be a white male,” John Brennan said.
This statement prompted a big laugh from Nicolle Wallace, who host the show and is a former White House communications director under President George W. Bush.
Not everyone is amused.
Former CIA officer Jeffrey Sterling twitted the following message.
“There was no embarrassment as a white male when you fired me from the CIA because I was too big and black. Easy to flaunt your white male bias in secret but when the light comes on you’re contrite. Read my book to help jog your memory.”
The next time Brennan makes such comment, the host should ask him a simple and factual question.
Please, could you name one black man who is honored by a star on the CIA Memorial Wall?
END of UPDATE
UPDATE (August 1 2021) — According to Director of National Intelligence Avril Haines, the U.S. Intelligence Community “should reflect the diverse makeup of America and demonstrate that we are fostering an environment where every professional can succeed.”
“Promoting diversity, equity, and inclusion is fundamental to our democratic values and critical to meeting the IC’s mission. This takes work every single day. We are committed to doing more to address this critical issue and accelerate our progress.”
The Office of the Director of National Intelligence (ODNI) used an image on the cover of its annual diversity report that was obviously Photoshopped.
The report, subtitled “Hiring and Retention of Minorities, Women, and Persons with Disabilities in the United States Intelligence Community,” featured a photo of smiling, diverse office staffers standing in a lobby, flanked by a woman in a wheelchair and a blind man with a seeing-eye dog.
The woman in the wheelchair and the blind man don’t appear in the original stock photo. They have been Photoshopped into the image used on the ODNI report.
Some people find it mildly disturbing that, within the vast Intelligence network overseen by the DNI, they apparently don’t have anyone better at faking photos?
Hopefully, America’s spies are a little better at doing their day job. Let us see what they can deliver on the origin of the COVID-19 pandemic and the cause of the Havana Syndrome…
On July 30 2021, the ODNI recruited Timothy Barrett as the new Assistant Director of National Intelligence for Strategic Communications.
“Tim brings a wealth of experience — including hard-earned credibility with the press — and is held in high esteem across the Intelligence Community. He shares my conviction that public trust is essential to our vital mission, and I am excited to have him on my leadership team,” Haines said.
PS — The percentage of female civilian intelligence community employees is about 39.3 per cent.
END of UPDATE
Careers & Internships — CIA Website
OSS Society : “Don’t believe the BS from The Good Shepherd.” [Joke]