Happy Sunday! CIA Declassified Soviet Jokes. And a Story from Vladimir Putin [2021]

“The CIA made a lot of mistakes during the Cold War but keeping a list of Soviet jokes was not one of them.”

Dr Gene Zubovich  — University of California Berkeley Historian

April 25 2021 — Thank God, It is Sunday! These jokes were part of a 13-million-page release of declassified CIA documents. The CIA waited 25 years to release these documents. One can never be too careful after all! In fairness to my Russian friends, I thought that I should let President Putin reply. Follow us on Twitter: @INTEL_TODAY

RELATED POST: RussiaGate — Vlad Putin : “Who The Hell Was I Working With Then?” [Parody]

RELATED POST: Parody –“Party In The CIA” by “Weird Al” Yankovic

RELATED POST: White House — A Message in the Snow [Humor]

RELATED POST: Parody — Robert De Niro’s Robert Mueller Interrogates Ben Stiller’s Michael Cohen

RELATED POST: Nixon Goes To China [Humour]

RELATED POST: Reagan tells Soviet jokes

RELATED POST: Facebook & the CIA [Parody]

RELATED POST: CIA Issues Posthumous Apology After New Evidence Clears Abdel Baset al-Megrahi of Involvement In Lockerbie Attack — When Parody Beats Justice…! // UPDATE : Not Crazy Enough to be True?

RELATED POST: Lockerbie — Theresa May Blames Vladimir Putin for Lockerbie

RELATED POST: Parody — Jared Kushner Joins Saudi Royal Family

“The story of Soviet humour isn’t an Orwellian nightmare of social atomisation and the crushing of the individual. It’s a fundamentally human story of survival and community.”

Jon Waterlow — It’s Only a Joke, Comrade! Humour, Trust and Everyday Life under Stalin

Telling jokes help people to cope even in the darkest times, to share the burden of their suffering, and to get on and get by as best they can.

Jokes are a vital part of social and cultural life. As sociologists know, understanding another country’s sense of humour is key to comprehend a nation.

Without further delay, here are a few gems from the Soviet era.

A worker standing in a liquor line says, ‘I have had enough, save my place, I am going to shoot Gorbachev.’ Two hours later he returns to claim his place in line. His friends ask, ‘Did you get him?’ No, the line there was even longer than the line here.

A Russian man walked into a shop and said to the lady behind the counter: “You don’t have any meat?” The lady replied: “We don’t have any fish. It’s the store across the street that doesn’t have any meat.”

A train bearing Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev stops suddenly when the tracks run out. Each leader applies his own, unique solution. Lenin gathers workers and peasants from miles around and exhorts them to build more track. Stalin shoots the train crew when the train still doesn’t move. Khrushchev rehabilitates the dead crew and orders the tracks behind the train ripped up and relaid in front. Brezhnev pulls down the curtains and rocks back and forth, pretending the train is moving. And Gorbachev calls a rally in front of the locomotive, where he leads a chant: “No tracks! No tracks! No tracks!”

An American explains to a Russian that the United States is a truly free country because he can stand in front of the White House and shout “To hell with Ronald Reagan!” The Russian says that this is nonsense because he can easily stand in Red Square and shout “To hell with Ronald Reagan.”

An American dog, a Polish dog and a Soviet dog sit together. The American dog says “In my country if you bark long enough, you will be heard and given some meat”. The Polish dog replies “What is ‘meat’?” and the Soviet dog says “What is ‘bark’?

While riding the tram, a man lets out a long, heavy sigh. His wife immediately reprimands him: ‘I’ve told you before, don’t talk about politics in public!’

A regional Communist Party meeting is held to celebrate the anniversary of the Great October Socialist Revolution. The Chairman gives a speech: “Dear comrades! Let’s look at the amazing achievements of our Party after the revolution. For example, Maria here, who was she before the revolution? An illiterate peasant; she had but one dress and no shoes. And now? She is an exemplary milkmaid known throughout the entire region. Or look at Ivan Andreev, he was the poorest man in this village; he had no horse, no cow, and not even an axe. And now? He is a tractor driver with two pairs of shoes! Or Trofim Semenovich Alekseev – he was a nasty hooligan, a drunk, and a dirty gadabout. Nobody would trust him with as much as a snowdrift in wintertime, as he would steal anything he could get his hands on. And now he’s Secretary of the Party Committee!”

“The US Embassy in Moscow would send in a ‘jokes cable,’ usually annually, listing some of the better jokes that they had picked up. At the end of year, they would do kind of an annual round-up, kind of a holiday gift if you will.”

Peter Clement — Deputy assistant director of CIA for Europe and Eurasia

Reagan tells Soviet jokes

Humour — Putin tells a KGB joke. A bit dark but funny.

Vladimir Putin is certainly a tough and uncompromising President but he also can be quite funny when he wants to be.

Did you know that Vladimir Putin’s calendar outsells all rivals in Japan?

According to media reports, people buying the calendars, including a large number of women, are drawn to Putin’s unconventional style and unashamed machismo.

And then, of course, Putin is judo master. In 2012, Putin was awarded 8th dan of the black belt, the first Russian to join a handful of judo fighters in the world who have achieved this status.

Back to the Soviet era…

From 1985 to 1990, Putin served in Dresden, East Germany, using a cover identity as a translator.

Masha Gessen, a Russian-American who has authored a biography about Putin claims that:

“Putin and his colleagues were reduced mainly to collecting press clippings, thus contributing to the mountains of useless information produced by the KGB.”

And this information may explain the joke…


Soviet Joke for the DCCI — CIA Website


CIA Declassified Soviet Jokes

Happy Sunday! CIA Declassified Soviet Jokes. And a Story from Vladimir Putin

Happy Sunday! CIA Declassified Soviet Jokes. And a Story from Vladimir Putin [2021]

This entry was posted in Joke and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s