OSS Society : “Don’t believe the BS from The Good Shepherd.” [Joke]

“Don’t believe the BS from ‘The Good Shepherd.’ Donovan recruited lots of first- and second-generation Americans like himself. He said no country in the world had more citizens with knowledge of other countries. The best example are the OSS Operational Groups, predecessors to SF.”

The OSS Society — Tweet (February 25 2020)

Sunday March 1 2020 — Thank God, It is Sunday! There is no doubt that the recent tweet from the Office of Strategic Service [OSS] Society is a about a very serious issue: the diversity of the CIA workforce. I promise to (seriously) discus this topic soon. But we have been a bit too serious in recent weeks, and it is time to return to our tradition of Sunday jokes, parodies and animal spy stories. Follow us on Twitter: @INTEL_TODAY

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The CIA is dedicated to building a world-class, high-performing and diverse workforce that allows the Agency to meet the increasing threats and challenges to the United States.

“Our Diversity and Inclusion staff is always hard at work running programs designed to encourage professional development at all levels – ensuring every officer’s views are heard and that their ideas and skills are given due consideration.

The CIA works hard to create a positive and inclusive workplace where employees with different backgrounds, cultures and talents are respected and given the opportunity to succeed.

We have a variety of employee resource groups composed of employees who share a common affinity (gender, sexual orientation, disability, ethnic and racial background) and their allies.

The ARGs [Agency Resource Groups] make our organization stronger by:

— Increasing cultural awareness

— Providing insight, practical solutions and best practices

— Promoting engagement and collaboration

The ARGs are critical to the present and future effectiveness of the CIA through their support and advancement of diversity and inclusion. ”  [Careers & Internships — CIA Website]

Wait. Don’t laugh. That was not the joke yet!

The ARGs certainly have quite a bit of work to do as this story — which I was told when I visited the nuclear city of Dubna, Russia — will hopefully convince you.

Back in the 60s… The CIA wanted to send a spy to the Soviet Union and the selected spy had incredible qualifications.

He was fluent in Russian, had perfect Cyrillic handwriting, had a vast knowledge of Soviet culture and mannerisms, could cook typical Soviet meals, and — most importantly — could keep up his act with a belly full of vodka.

The mission was long-term infiltration of the Kremlin.

The spy was dropped in a remote village where he approached a man and said, in perfect Russian: “Hello comrade, can you please tell me which direction is Moscow?”

The man looked at him, and walked inside. Within minutes, the KGB was swarming the village and arresting the spy.

While being interrogated, the KGB officers said: “Quit the act, we know you are an American spy.”

The spy was baffled they (especially the man in the village) were able to tell so quickly, but tried to keep up the act for as long as he could.

When he finally cracked, he said: “Alright, alright, I’m a spy. I will tell you whatever you want, but please just tell me how you knew I was a spy because I devoted my whole life to perfecting my Soviet character.”

The KGB officer replied: “You are black.”

PS: Once he had completed the agency’s version of basic spy training, Jeffrey Sterling was assigned to the Iran Task Force and dispatched to language school to learn Farsi.

In 1997, just before he was to leave for his first overseas post in Germany, he was told that somebody else was going instead.

“We’re concerned that you would stick out as a big black guy speaking Farsi,” Sterling recalls his supervisor saying.

Shocked, he responded, “Well, when did you figure out I was black?”

The Good Shepherd — “The rest of you are just visiting.”

REFERENCES

Careers & Internships — CIA Website

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OSS Society : “Don’t believe the BS from The Good Shepherd.”

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